Dealing with Separation Anxiety: How to Comfort Kids When Parents Are Away

Separation anxiety is a common and natural response in children when they are separated from their parents, such as during a sleepover at a friend's house, a visit to a relative, or daily school drop-offs. While some children adjust quickly, others may struggle with clinginess, excessive crying, or even physical symptoms like stomach aches.

For nannies, governesses, and childcare professionals, helping children cope with separation anxiety is a crucial skill. Your role is not just to distract them but to build trust, create a sense of security, and foster emotional resilience.

In this guide, we’ll cover:

1. Why children experience separation anxiety
2. Age-specific strategies to help children feel secure
3. How to communicate effectively with parents about anxiety concerns
4. Fun activities and comforting techniques that work
5. Helping Children to Become More Independent

For insights on managing children’s emotional well-being, check out Child Development Milestones: What Nannies Need to Know at Every Age— Understanding developmental stages can help you tailor your approach.

1. Understanding Separation Anxiety: Why It Happens

A. What Causes Separation Anxiety?

Children experience separation anxiety when they fear losing their primary caregivers. It’s a normal part of development, especially in younger children who don’t fully understand the concept of time yet. Common causes include:

• Developmental stages: babies between 6 months and 3 years naturally develop attachment-based anxiety.
• Big life changes: moving to a new house, starting school, or changing caregivers can trigger anxiety.
• Parental stress: If a parent is anxious about leaving, the child will often mirror those emotions.
• Previous negative experiences: Sudden separations, unfamiliar environments, or inconsistent caregivers can increase fear.

B. How Long Does Separation Anxiety Last?

• Infants (6-12 months): Brief distress that resolves quickly.
• Toddlers (1-3 years): Can last for a few months and peak at times of transition.
• Preschoolers (3-5 years): Gradually improves but may still appear in new situations.
• Older children (5+ years): Although more rare at this age, it may surface during stressful life events.

For handling emotions in different developmental stages, check out: Dealing with Challenging Behaviour in Kids.

2. Age-Specific Strategies to Ease Separation Anxiety

A. Infants & Toddlers (6 months – 3 years)

What to Expect:

• Clinginess, crying when the parent leaves, difficulty sleeping.
• Fear of strangers and new environments.

How to Comfort:

• Practice short separations: Have the parent leave for brief periods and gradually extend the time.
• Create a goodbye routine: A special wave, hug, or short song can help make departures easier.
• Use a comfort item: A familiar blanket, soft toy, or parent’s scarf can provide reassurance.
• Stay calm and upbeat: Children take cues from your emotions, so keep your tone cheerful and reassuring.

B. Preschoolers (3–5 years)

What to Expect:

• Fear of being abandoned or forgotten.
• Meltdowns at drop-off but quick recovery afterward.

How to Comfort:

• Validate their feelings:  Say, "I know it’s hard when Mommy leaves, but she always comes back."
• Offer a distraction: Engage them in a fun activity right after the parent leaves.
• Use a visual countdown: A sticker chart or clock can help them understand when the parent will return.
• Encourage independence: Praise small moments of confidence, like playing alone or helping with tasks.

For creative activity ideas to keep kids engaged, check out: How to Create an Epic Treasure Hunt Your Kids Will Love.

C. School-Age Children (6+ years)

What to Expect:

• Anxiety before a parent leaves, but better coping skills.
• Worrying about the parent’s safety or well-being.

How to Comfort:

• Give them control: Let them pack a small “goodbye bag” with notes, pictures, or special toys.
• Use storytelling: Books like The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn can help kids process separation.
• Teach relaxation techniques: Breathing exercises, mindfulness games, or stress balls can help manage anxiety.
• Facilitate parent check-ins: A short phone call or video message can ease worries without prolonging separation.

For more creative play ideas, check out: Top 10 Kids’ Outdoor Activity Ideas.

3. Communicating with Parents About Separation Anxiety

A. Keep Parents Informed (Without Worrying Them)

What to Say:

• "She was a little teary at first, but we did a puzzle, and she settled in quickly!"
• "He asked about you a few times, but he had fun baking cookies and playing outside."

B. Collaborate on Strategies

Ask parents:

• "What helps your child feel secure when you leave?"
• "Do you have any goodbye routines that I can continue?"
• "Would you like me to send a quick update mid-day?"

For working with different parenting styles, check out: 9 Things We Wish Employers Knew About Nannies.

4. Fun Activities to Ease Separation Anxiety

A. Create a "Separation Calendar"

Let the child place a sticker on a calendar each day until their parent returns.

B. Record a Special Video Message

Ask the parent to leave a short video message saying "Good morning!" or "See you soon!" for the child to watch when they feel sad.

C. Make a "Magic Hug" Bracelet

The parent and child each wear a friendship bracelet that reminds them they are connected.

For more craft ideas, check out: Finger Paint Card Crafts.

5. Helping Children Become More Independent

While comforting children during separation is important, teaching them to handle time apart confidently is the ultimate goal.

• Encourage solo play, like giving them small tasks to complete on their own.
• Praise bravery by rewarding moments when they handle separation well.
• Teach self-soothing skills by helping them learn ways to calm themselves when feeling anxious.

For more tips on fostering resilience, check out: Helping Your Kids Succeed: Encouraging Confidence & Independence.

Final Thoughts

Separation anxiety can be tough for both children and caregivers, but with patience, understanding, and the right strategies, it becomes manageable.

• Tailor your approach to the child’s age and emotional needs.
• Use creative techniques to make separations feel easier.
• Work closely with parents to ensure consistency.
• Encourage independence to build long-term confidence.

By providing a secure and comforting presence, you help children to develop healthy coping skills because they feel safe and happy during the periods when their parents are away.

7 Fairytales Nannies Can Read to Teach Children Moral Lessons

For more professional childcare opportunities, visit Jobs in Childcare and advance your career in private childcare today!

Register as a job seeker and sign up for alerts to receive information on excellent international tutor, nanny, and governess vacancies worldwide.